Male feminism. Malefeminism?
That sounds almost like a villain in a Harry Potter book. Maybe I just miss Malfoy.
Ok. So, my dame gets magazines. Not cool magazines like WWII Dogfights, or Armchair General, or PC Gamer, the magazines that I get — no no, she gets Cosmopolitan and Glamour and Elle, etc. To no end she gets these magazines. So much so that I counted something like eight subscriptions at one time. In my eyes, they are all ridiculous.
Now before you expect the classic reasons as to why I think they’re ridiculous, like “because they’re gay”, hear me out. I mean, they ARE gay, but hear me out…
First, let’s take a magazine like Bazaar. Without even saying anything, it’s a fashion magazine. High fashion, even. The most ethereal, existing-on-pure-bullshit industry out there. As far as I can tell, Bazaar has no Table Of Contents. As far as I can tell, a magazine like Bazaar has literally HUNDREDS of pages that are nothing more than advertisements. There are maybe a handful of articles, and they are about so-and-so’s new such-and-such, or how one time “I was almost raped in an alley in Italy when I was photographing Lady Ga Ga”, but the majority of this magazine, which requires you to pay for it, is advertisement after advertisement. Gucci, Prada, Tommy Hilfiger, whatever, page after page, it’s some deflated model looking hungrily (literally) at the camera with a bottle of the latest perfume or stick of mascara by her side.
And that’s it.
And YOU PAY FOR IT. You pay to be advertised to! What the fuck is going on?! Why? That magazine should be free. That magazine should be a catalog that fashion labels pay to be in (which they’re doing now) and you should be able to order it online for free. Or just look at it online for free on their website. But instead, you have to pay for it. You pay for a book of print ads. That seems just wrong to me.
As I wrote that, Meatloaf just growled. I hope that’s in agreement.
But the worst is Cosmopolitan. How can you not see through this magazine?! Are the women that read Cosmo retarded or just asking for it? I joke, but I don’t. Also, not calling my girlfriend a retard — I love her so hard, so just chill. Look, disclaimer, I know plenty of smart and intelligent and savvy broads who read Cosmo and the like, my very own broad included, but that only serves me to perplex me further. You need only to look at the cover to realize that Cosmopolitan is written by men to make women more like how men want them to be. The Cosmo in front of me has tips on how to make yourself prettier, make yourself more of a porn star in bed, “you won’t hear THIS from your gyno” (absolutely serious), and then some story about Nicki Minaj…an oversexed “just be yourself!” pop star who “overcame obstacles”.
Sorry if I sound cynical. But seriously, what the fuck? And please, do NOT get me wrong, I fully understand how utterly cliche this little post is. Some guy, condemning all the girls who read Cosmo and then secretly wishing his girlfriend was the sexiest, freakiest little thing that ever cooked the best meal this side of the Mississippi? I get it. My point is, if you’re a smart, aware lady, why the hell are you subscribing to Cosmo?
Serious question. Because seriously, I don’t get it.