I do apologize for the lack of actual video game content lately. Admittedly, I played a little bit over the weekend. It’s tough when you’re cooped up in a hotel room and it’s either watching Cribs on MTV2 or playing a few video games. Why is it, by the way, that everyone on Cribs has these epic kitchens but absolutely no food in the fridge? I’m serious, every dumbass on that show opens their fridge and there’s like a shit ton of those canned Starbucks drinks, vitamin waters, Red Bulls, and other horrible processed beverages, some ketchup, some mustard, and maybe a packet of turkey bacon. And they’re all, “Yo, here’s we we keep this fridge magic, know wha-I’m-sayin’? Y’all gotta have ‘dese vitamin waters, son!”
But, I can proudly say that I kept the gaming to only a couple hours. A little bit of IL-2 1946, setting to the skies with the Flying Tigers downing Japs over Burma, as well as some slaughtering of fools in Mount and Blade Warband. I suppose one of these days I’ll have to tell some epic story of one of these sessions. Like, give you a play by play with screenshots. Isn’t that what gaming sites do?
Meh. Not this one, I guess.
I also went to Universal Studios on Sunday, no big deal. I just saw Terminator 2: THE RIDE! I gotta say, it’s pretty shocking to me that such a large and supposedly financed theme park is so dated and irrelevant. They still had a Backdraft ride! Whaaaaat?! Not to mention that the majority of the place contained no actual rides. There was one rollercoaster (The Mummy) and one log ride (Jurassic Park) but most of the attractions were essentially movies with dated 3D technology and seats that moved, actors that came out for a bit and shot blanks into the air, and water being spat at you from the seat in front. I made myself have fun, don’t get me wrong, but the key to that sentence is “made myself.”
Anyway, the benefit of being so stir-crazy is that at 8:30 in the morning you come up with some bizarre French Canadian rant about “Dick Dongling.” It gets funnier by the end, as there’s some weird sounds that come out as well as the reveal as to what the whole thing is.
It’s crazy how many of these I have. But the amount is not as crazy as the content. Save for that last one with Gil, all of these are me by myself driving around the endless highways and roads that make up this sprawling suburbia known as Los Angeles. Now, I’m a fella who enjoys a good ol’ chat with himself. If I happen to be in a car, cut off from any sort of interruption or judgement from anyone else, why these conversations can get pretty elaborate. Right now, it’s just a question of which one of these gems I want to share with the rest of the world next.
For now, I think this one will do. And it’s not really a conversation but a song. The deal with this one, as far as I can remember, is that after I recorded I Gotta Take A Poop In The Dump, I immediately laid down another track with even more vocal commitment. Let’s call the singer to these songs (of which there are many) Danny Ruthers, and his whole deal is to really sock you with these songs. Pow pow! By sock I mean scream. Dear God, imagine if you were driving along the fucking 101 and turned and saw some weird skinny kid absolutely giving it in his car. Like, veins popping out the side of his neck he’s giving it so hard. Just singing his little heart out.
Here’s Danny Ruthers’ next hit: Old Town Boners
Feel free to comment and let me know if you guys even like these. I gotta warn you. I am pretty much screaming at the top of my lungs about shoving my dick back between my legs. NSFW.
So recently I booked myself a television sitcom pilot called Hitched. It’s pretty fancy. It’s for CBS and I’m in it. Let’s all rejoice.
Good. Now that we’re done rejoicing I have to admit that I’ve now got a ton of free time on my hands waiting for things to kick in. Yes, of course I’ve played Mount and Blade Warband for hours on end until my temples hurt. And yes, of course afterwards I feel embarrassed that I’ve wasted entire days playing a single video game, slaying all who oppose me. Should I be outside enjoying life? Of course. Should I be doing something somewhat productive? Definitely. But I can’t think of anything, so there you have it.
Also, a while back, Gil Ozeri and I went to Las Vegas to have our dear friend Adam Pally teach us Craps. You gotta buy those numbers! 4 and 10, baby! Anyway, on that longer-than-expected drive, Gil and I created a cheesy LA radio show called Ricky and The Stinker. Things got crazy. I couldn’t keep it straight because Gil is a cartoon. He’s also a stinker.
It ends because Gil got a call from his sister. She had been in a fender-bender. Poor lil’ thing, she’s only eight years old. JK, she’s twelve. JK she’s like a million.
Again, these take FOREVER to load, so please be patient.